Dos and Don’ts after a Loved One Passes Away

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A Step-by-Step Guide: What to Do After a Loved One Passes Away

Losing a loved one is a deeply emotional and challenging experience. In the midst of grief, you are suddenly faced with a number of responsibilities that can feel overwhelming. Knowing what to do—and what not to do—can provide a sense of clarity during a difficult time. This guide outlines the key steps to take after a loved one passes away.

Step 1: Immediate First Steps (The First Few Days)

In the first few days, focus on the most immediate needs of your family and the arrangements for your loved one.

  • Take Time to Grieve: Before diving into legal and financial tasks, allow yourself and your family time to mourn. Share stories, be with loved ones, and celebrate the life of the person you have lost.
  • Handle Funeral Arrangements: Check to see if your loved one made any pre-arranged funeral plans or left specific instructions in their personal papers. If not, you will need to make these arrangements. Be sure to keep detailed receipts for any out-of-pocket funeral expenses, as these are often reimbursable from the estate.
  • Secure the Home and Valuables: Ensure your loved one’s home is secure, especially during the funeral service. If the house will be vacant for an extended period, notify the homeowner’s insurance company, as the policy may need to be changed to reflect the vacancy.
  • Obtain Death Certificates: You will need multiple official copies of the death certificate for various tasks, such as closing bank accounts and claiming benefits. The funeral home can typically help you order these, which usually takes about 10 business days to arrive.

Step 2: Financial and Administrative Tasks (The First Few Weeks)

Once you have the death certificate, you can begin to address the deceased’s financial affairs. It is crucial to proceed with caution during this phase.

What You Should Do:

  • Identify Assets and Debts: Begin the difficult task of locating your loved one’s assets. A recent tax return is an excellent starting point, as it can point to bank accounts, investments, and other sources of income. Gather mail, bank statements, and checkbooks to identify any outstanding debts.
  • Notify Credit Bureaus: Contact the three major credit bureaus (Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion) to report the death. This helps prevent identity theft by freezing the Social Security number.
  • Cancel Credit Cards and Subscriptions: Cancel any credit cards that were solely in the deceased’s name. Review bank statements to identify and stop any automatic payments for subscriptions or services that are no longer needed.

What You Should NOT Do:

  • Do NOT Pay Bills from the Deceased’s Accounts: Until an executor is legally appointed by the court, you do not have the authority to use the deceased’s money. Paying bills prematurely can cause significant problems. North Carolina law gives certain creditors priority over others, and if you pay the wrong bill first, you could be held personally liable.
  • Do NOT Use Estate Money for Personal Expenses: The deceased’s funds cannot be used for expenses like food, travel, or clothing for family members. These are not considered legitimate debts of the estate.

Step 3: The Legal Process (After the First Few Weeks)

With the immediate tasks handled, the next step is to address the legal requirements of settling the estate. This is the most critical point at which to seek professional guidance.

Do NOT Go Directly to the Clerk of Court. While it may seem like the logical next step, going to the courthouse without legal advice can lead to costly mistakes. You may be advised to open a full, formal estate administration when a much simpler process would have sufficed. An unnecessary estate administration can take a year or more to close and involves a complex process of inventories, notices, and accountings.

Do Seek Legal Counsel. An experienced attorney can review your loved one’s assets and will and determine the most appropriate and efficient way to proceed. A single consultation can often clarify your responsibilities and help you avoid the common pitfalls that can lead to personal liability and family disputes.

If you have lost a loved one and are facing the duties of an executor, our experienced attorneys can provide the guidance you need for a proper estate and trust administration. Call our office at (919) 256-7000 to schedule a consultation.